সোমবার, ২৫ জানুয়ারী, ২০২১

100 hilarious jokes about Dog

 

100 hilarious jokes about Dog

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100 hilarious jokes about Dog (part 2 of 3)

35.

While mending fences out on the range, a very religious cowboy lost his favorite Bible. He was devastated!

Three weeks later, however, a dog walked up to him, carrying that same Bible in its mouth.

The cowboy was astonished, he couldn't believe it! He took the book out of the dog’s mouth, thanked him, went on his knees and exclaimed: "It's a miracle!".

To which the dog replied: "Not really. Your name is written inside the cover."

36.

A man takes his Bulldog to the vet, because he is cross-eyed.

The vet says: “Let’s have a look” and picks up the Bulldog to examine his eyes. After looking at his eyes for a while, the vet says: “I’m going to have to put him down.”

“Wait, what?” the man replies, “Just because he is cross-eyed?”

Vet: “No, because he is really heavy!”

37.

Q: Where does a Rottweiler sit in the cinema?

A: Anywhere it wants to.

38.

Q: What's more amazing than a talking dog?

A: A spelling bee.

39.

Q: Why did the dog cross the road twice?

A: He was trying to fetch a boomerang.

40.

Q: What's a dog’s favorite kind of pizza?

A: Pupperoni.

41.

Q: What do you call a dog who designs buildings?

A bark-itect.

42.

A dog sits in a bar, sipping a whiskey.

A customer walks up to him and says, “Wow, it’s not often that I see a dog drinking bourbon here!”

To which the dog replies: “Yeah, but that’s hardly a surprise at these prices.”

43.

Q: Why did the poor dog chase his tail?

A: He was trying to make ends meet.

44.

Q: How do you stop a dog from barking in your front yard? A: Put it in your back yard.

45.

Q: What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A: A watch dog.

46.

A dog walks into a job center. “Wow, a talking dog,” says the clerk. “With your talent, I’m sure we can find you a gig in the circus.” “The circus?” says the dog, disappointed: “What does a circus want with a plumber?”

47.

Two friends were walking their dogs on a Friday afternoon. One had a Pitbull and the other had a Chihuahua.

Then the guy with the Pitbull said: “I’m thirsty, let’s get a drink in that bar over there.” To which his friend replied: “I don’t think they will allow our dogs in there.” The one with the Pitbull responded: “Just follow my lead, trust me."

The guy with the Pitbull put on a pair of sunglasses and walked into the bar. The bouncer at the door said: “I’m sorry man, but there are no pets allowed inside.” The man with the Pitbull replied: “But this is my guide dog, I am helpless without him!”. Bouncer: “A Pitbull?”. The man: “Yeah, they’re using Pitbulls now too, they’re amazing!”. Bouncer: “Okay, come on in.”

The other man then also put on his sunglasses. He thought: a Chihuahua is even more unbelievable, but it’s worth a try. So the bouncer stopped him, and said: “Sorry no pets allowed.” To which the man replied: “This is my guide dog, I am lost without him.” Bouncer: “Really, a Chihuahua?”. To which the man replied: “Whhaaat? They gave me a fricking Chihuahua?!”

48.

A dog went to the post office to send a telegram. He took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."

When he was done, he gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked at the paper and said to the dog: "There are only 9 words here. We have a special offer: You could send another 'Woof' for the same price."

To which the dog replied: "Sorry, but that wouldn’t make any sense at all!"

49.

Q: What do you call a dog with a fever?

A: A hot dog.

50.

Q: What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?

A: He stole the show!

51.

Q: What do you get if you cross a dog and a lion?

A: Well you won’t be getting any mail, that’s for sure.

52.

Knock, knock!

Who's there?

Doughnut.

Doughnut who?

Doughnut pull my dog's tail, or he'll bite you!

53.

Q: What do your dog and a cellphone have in common?

A: They both have collar I.D.

54.

Q: What sort of clothes does a pet dog wear?

A: A petticoat!

55.

Q: What kind of dog did Dracula have?

A: A bloodhound.

56.

Q: What do you get when you cross a herding dog and a daisy?

A: A Collie-flower!

57.

Q: Why was the dog such a good storyteller?

A: He knew how to paws for dramatic effect.

58.

Q: What do scientist dogs do with bones?

A: Barium!

59.

Q: Why do dogs make terrible dance partners?

A: They’ve got two left feet!

60.

Q: What happens when you name your dog after Kim Kardashian?

A: You give a dog a bad name.

61.

Q: What kind of dog eats with their ears?

A: They all do! Who removes their ears before dinner?

62.

Q: What do you get when you try to cross a Pitbull with a computer?

A: A lot of bites. 

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